2-13-25

Originally titled “I forgot my little green notebook.”

I.

Less “forgot” and more “misplaced.” Though, I suppose I have forgotten where I last placed it, so “forgot” is still accurate. Nevertheless (<-you like that shit?) I'm here to continue the thought I first had a Native while listening to a woman working from home working from coffee shop. 

“I CAN’T QUITE UNDERSTAND HOW PEOPLE CAN BE BOTHERED TO GIVE SO MUCH OF A SHIT ABOUT SOMETHING THAT ISN’T THEIRS.”

 (all caps used for accuracy)

Not as eloquent as I initially wanted, but running up and down stairs in search of a journal will cause one’s idea to wither away. Alas, I so badly wanted it in my green notebook that I neglected to hastily write the idea down in my red pocket notebook. We live and we learn. ANYWAY, enough with all this preamble!

Hearing this lady lament to another person the problems with coworkers at her job, it just really struck me. How do we get ourselves so riled up and concerned about things that we have no real claim or ownership of? I assume this woman does not own the company she is working for. Just like how most people do not own the company that they work for. Yet here she is, devoting a good portion of her day, and her LIFE to being genuinely concerned about the goings on of this institution. 

I feel as though I can’t quite articulate yet how this woman’s speaking impacted me, and I regret now not setting up shop in the same space as her, to have a larger sample size of information to draw upon. And again, I shall not hastily run around in search of the right notebook, and simply write in the notebook on hand. 

Though now there is a guy that keeps on staring at me in the library.

And I would not trade that fun for listening to this woman’s lamentations.

Sometimes I use a word and hope I’ve used it correctly.

I do not research though, I prefer shooting from the hip.

I can accept that I myself can give many a shit about things that I personally do not own. But I think in those things I still have ownership over what I have contributed. A drawing, words, an idea. And I suppose this woman also has the ideas that she has contributed. So now-

He’s still looking at me.

So now I’m led to think that my issue here is due to the finite nature of the projects I contribute to or make myself. A piece of writing can be published, filmed and edited, turned into a comic, etc. And at some point the deed is done, and it exists as its own little asteroid swirling about in the universe. Time to move on to the next thing. Whether that sculpture, video about a fish, or painting is good, was worth the time, says anything, is for others or time to determine. But the block has been carved, and it’s time to carve the next block. 

But a corporation is meant to last. Marketing events for helicopter companies will be held long after you or I (in this case, I suppose those two people are the same person) and buried in the ground. Come to Magna-Helicopter Convention 3045 this year in Phoenix Arizona! So who will remember that it was once suggested that booth sizes be 15’x11’? And how much do you actually like helicopters anyway? 

And now you could say that art is only pursued for personal glory. And that its benefit to society is nothing more than aesthetic. And to that I say: “Hello to me from a handful of years ago! It’s nice to see you again. You’re not entirely wrong!” But I think maybe the point I’m getting to here is that life is going to go through you anyway, so I would think it’s preferable to look upon something of your own at the end of it, than just knowing you were a good soldier. 

There will always be a new problem, there will always be more people we could train to be pilots. And in turn, we shall have more profits! Yippee! But to what end? Once everyone has life insurance, what do we do? Sell them it again? Loiter outside of hospitals and try to sell to newborns?  Yet I think our minds are infinite. And constant exploration of them will always turn up new creations. It’s just that these jobs of ours do not ask much of us. We are slaves to each other so then we can play master. That is totally someone else’s idea, but I forget who. If it turns out to be Marx this is my HONEST admission that I forgot who said that, I’m not just doing a bit. This is not to say that all jobs are meaningless. It essentially all comes back to consenting to being governed I suppose. I do not know how to operate a train, fly a plane, etc. But sometimes I would like to get somewhere quickly and not drive a car. Many similar examples exist. 

But many other of our professions and jobs seem to be luxury services that we all crave. Though maybe all of this would seem like less raw of a deal if we had more time to ourselves. And also if our time outside of work was not spent additionally talking about work. The power is in our hands as well. Though a systematic overhaul of how our time is spent (i.e. less than 40 hours a week at work) I think would cause us to focus on our jobs less. And we could all be served by more quiet contemplation and less stimulation.

So, to that woman, I hope you have some peace and time to yourself today. 

II.

I think all of the things we want/do to our brains we can accomplish simply by having a brain. Focus and speed of caffeine? Limit stimulation and sink into yourself, you will find drive. The silliness and looseness of being drunk? Play and follow your ideas. The removal of one’s self achieved through drugs? Meditate and think on oneself. I think truly the only transformative vice for the human brain is interacting with another human. In all other instances, the thoughts are your own, so, I believe, are already inside of you. Things that alter your brain chemistry I don’t think offer any truly new information. they might just be short cuts to help the superego or whatever root up ideas already inside you. My theory is that all things attained through drugs could be done if one gave themselves the time to wander through their own mind. Whereas, another’s mind may operate differently than your own. 

If you are sinking deeper into your own mind, you are still in your own perspective. No matter what, you are still operating within the confines of your mind. If you draw something with an extreme one point perspective, it is still just one point perspective. It is only through adding another vanishing point (in this case, another human mind) that the perspective can change. 

The shame is that most drugs (coffee, alcohol, marijuana) taste very good, and talking with others can be difficult. 

I think our only two real needs are water and conversation.